Let The Boiling Begin

Let the Boiling Begin.....

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So I was learning to sell books on the weekends in between doing my TR's & Objectives Course. It was actually kinda fun.

David Weiss was fun to work with. He had an intention about him, and really got strangers on the street to open up to him.
He almost always sold them a book, too. It was amazing to watch!

David also introduced me to another stellar Public bookseller. His name was Rob Derkatch. He was also a bit quirky,but in more of a quiet way. He had a shy disposition to him, yet could amazingly open up to complete strangers and get them talking to him and buying a book!

I figured if these guys could do this, so could I?

I was always a shy, sort of quiet person and couldn't imagine myself talking to strangers on the street like that. Much less, sell them a book!

But these guys were such a joy to work with and they made it sooo easy to learn the way you approach people with 'survey's' and scripted questions to use, ya know? And even though I was shy, I'd always been interested in helping people in general.

I felt higher than a kite when I'd actually sold my first Dn Book!

Selling books like this, sure made that Div 6 book Division guy, Dean happy!

I was sure he was married and had kids. I had no romantic interest in him at this point, yet.

He looked too old for me, anyways.

But he was so kind and friendly!

So I finished my TR's & Objectives Course.

I continued being Foundation Staff at the West Palm Beach Mission House doing Promotion. I'd had to make thousands of these Promo Packets that consisted of a thin Newspaper and a couple of flyers within it, then
rolled up and put into a small baggie. I felt like I was a kid when I helped out on my friend's paper route, lol.

We would fill up two to four large Trash bags full of these Promo packets, then (and it was at night) one person would drive the car, while the other would throw each piece out on each house's lawn. It was a blast and we'd laugh ourselves silly seeing how fast we could get them all out by the end of the night.

My fellow Promo helper was a really sweet woman named Mary Spengler. Her and I got to be fast friends and would tell each other long stories about our lives, our past, etc. She was a joy to work with!

I wanted more auditing, but didn't have the money, nor had I worked long enough/hard enough on Staff to receive more yet.

Dave did his Purif and I think he did he received his Objectives Auditing. (He was able to get more money from his mom).

Well less than a year (or almost a year?) of being on Staff (and enjoying it, it was fun!)

It was decided to close down the West Palm Beach Mission (never learned why). Jan gave me the option to either leave Staff (and I think it would've been sans Freeloader debt, too!?) or transfer and join Staff at Miami Org.

Well I was really wanting a major change and improvement in my life. The times I'd been to Miami, the Staff there seemed really busy yet happy. I also wanted to end the relationship with Dave.

So that's what I did.

I moved out of our apartment, and temporarily back into my parent's house until someone from Miami could come pick me up.

A couple weeks later, I learned the guy from Div 6 that I'd met a few times would be my 'Buddy' and be picking me and my stuff up and driving me to Miami.

It was Dean.

He arrived and met my parents and they chatted with him while I ate and gathered my belongings.

I remember he and I kept looking at each other through the mirror I was facing while eating. We would smile when we caught each others' eye.
My mom even asked me while her and I were in the kitchen how come I wasn't 'going out' with him?

'Nah', I said. 'I've just met him...and I don't know how old he is or anything...'

So my mom works out in conversation to ask him old he is and if he's single!

That night, I found he was almost three years YOUNGER than me..and that he was single. But I still had little to no interest in him yet at this point.

Well he and I got to know one another during the long drive to Miami that night. I found myself opening up to him and sharing many personal details that I normally wouldn't do to someone I didn't know!

Well, I was settled temporarily to stay with my Senior in Div 6 and her family. Her name was Nancy. She was a very nice Senior to work with.
Nancy's Senior was Betsy Blair, the PES.

Betsy had a very deep gravelly voice. She chain-smoked Kools incessantly. She seemed nice, but also looked to barely contain a mean bitch side of her. I'd seen little of that side of her, but other Staff apperently did.

At this time, we had no real ED. We had an 'Acting ED' I think at first it was the Treas Sec, Celia Madigan who was. She was SO sweet! The staff meetings with her were calm. Then Mark Witt took over for a little while as Acting ED. HE was really sweet, too! No problems, I enjoyed Staff. Getting used to working long hours took some getting used to, but the air didn't crackle with such high tension and pressure yet.

I was set to work in Div 6 doing Promo and selling books with Dean.

From this point onward, Dean and I were to be Miami Org's Book Team.

We drove around in a bright yellow 70's style Van with the word 'Dianetics' in huge red letters on the side. We got to dress down in jeans and a black Dianetics T-Shirt for most weekday evenings and leave the Org and sell books, it was great!

Most of the books I sold were Spanish Dn books and to Spanish guys. They seemed to like that I spoke decent Spanish, and I think they may've liked my looks. By this time, I had shed my thick coke-bottle glasses and got contacts and dressed better.
(There was a time to where I was wearing strange, mismatched outfits at the Org.. to the point where HCO had to talk me into dressing better).

Oh and along this time, I started liking Dean, and I think he started liking me, too. But could never tell for sure.
He'd do/say things that'd make me think he did, then other times, he'd turn as cold as stone. Men!

Well he and I played our own little games for a few months until both us finally decided that we liked each other, and we agreed to be a couple.


(Which would make for some really funny-mean stories almost rivaling his crabs story regarding the lengths I went to in getting a man I wanted. but I better not go into any of those, unless Dean gives me permission).

But Oh those happy, happy times of falling in love with each other, though! *swoon* Amazing that we were able to do this in between Staff and all its pressures, lol!

During my years on Staff there, I was moved from Div 6A into Div 6B due to me running every step of the Front Line anyways, plus I'd learned to speak Spanish rather quickly and fluently. Since I was constantly
pulled into translation cycles, I guess they just figured make me a Public Reg.

I did NOT want this, nor did Dean, my Senior. (He was the Public Contact Secretary). He'd enjoyed my stats as Bodyrouter, Bookseller, etc. and I liked him as a Senior. He was nice, even when he was getting his face ripped off, he rarely ripped mine off. (shit rolled downhill A LOT, you see). His tones of voice alone could send me running! He'd sometimes speak to me in that calm, quiet, controlled voice, threaten me to 'get a product or else' kinda thing.
This frightened me far beyond what yelling would do.

Anyway, I ended up being in 6B. Well my stats were not as good as a Reg. Plus, I didn't like my Senior, Bob Addis.
He was a tall, bit overbearing guy. He barked at you most of the time. Off post, he could be strangely sweet as a teddy-bear nice, though.

Then our 'real' ED and her 'Team' returned to Miami from OEC/FEBC (training for Executives in how to run a scn business/Org). Her name was Cat Fox. This woman had the meanest, darkest, beaming stare I had ever seen on a human being!

She did not smile.

She said she was going to whip us into shape and get our stats up. And she did it in the most evil way possible.
The Org slowly descended into all of us working up to 80 hrs a week, sleeping and eating little or rushed. Now NONE
of us were smiling (unless we were dealing with New People in Div 6).

I think the stats of the entire Org did go up, but it was no longer a fun Org. And all of us were exhausted, hungry, depressed (imo). I know I was.

The staff meetings with Cat Fox were hell. She ripped people to shreds, chewed them up, then spit them out.
She'd insult my fellow staff with word and intentions I had never heard. (Slut, Whore, DB, Sabateur come to mind).

My PES started regularly telling me that I was 'sabatoging my post' at times.
I'll never forget the first time she called me that and I scoffed at her loudly repeated 'sabatage!?'
to the point she had to shush me. (We were in earshot of the New People). lol!

Well, our stats were never good enough. Never high enough. Div 6 resorted to weird ways to getting stats. And one day, our PES Betsy was taken off post and sent to Flag to 'handle' her. She had been falsifying and padding stats.

So we had a temporary PES, a really pretty, nice black girl named Tanya. She was a joy to work for, kind, calm, but she was a new scn and didn't really know what she was doing.

The entire division spent weeks re-figuring out the 'real' stats and started operating with those. Course they were MUCH lower. (Dean I'm sure will be able to furnish much of this story since he was in EC/AC and I wasn't).

So we got even MORE pressure (if that was even possible?!) from Cat Fox. God, I'm surprised more of us didn't keel over from such high, prolonged stress of high blood pressure or a stroke or something. (Our sweet DED almost DID die, see my post #33 in this Thread about that).

So we're goin' along at 'real' stats (and yes, they were low). But we all felt more in control of our stats and production now, ya know?

Well, Betsy is released from Flag and restored as PES. And guess what?! She orders us to do all the weird functions and statpushes and falsifying again!
We even wrote Reports on it, but nothing was ever done and we couldn't seem to hold our positions with her (at least I couldn't). Come to find out, she had a BLAST at Flag, NO ethics was put in on her (per her, anyways).

Somewhere during this time, my divorce went through. It was an amicable divorce. Amazingly, I was given visitation rights to see my kids, yet I lived in Fla and they in Oklahoma.

I didn't see them for over three years.

Yet, I was sooo busy that I barely missed them!

Also during this time, Dean and I were married (by Betsy). Pictures are over
in 'Cos Pictures' Thread. Even though we were newlyweds, we were so busy and had such little time together to relax, that I felt like we'd been together forever, in a way. You know what I mean?

Oh and the Cat Fox Rule got to be so bad, that SHE was finally ripped off Post!



And a really sweet lady named Sue Vespie was now the ED. (She still is).

But we were all used to such a high-tension Org, being yelled at constantly, etc. etc. that we kinda felt like dogs that weren't gettin' our daily kickings, ya know? The relief actually felt WORSE than what we were used to!

That stats were still bein' padded/falsified in Div 6, tho.

Well after months (or longer) of this, Dean was about to be the one blamed for this (instead of Betsy) when he didn't deserve to be, but everytime someone tried to blame Betsy, she would somehow squirm out of any actions against her. So the EO Kitty (A displaced SO assigned to Miami due to being pregnant) and the FBO Leona were about to descend on Dean and Comm Ev him (or something) he needs to tell his side either here or in his own Thread soon.

But yeah....and THAT'S the night (it was on a Sat) that we blew!

Highs and Lows.....

So, I'm taking care of my kids during the day, and more and more nights of each week,
I'm spending out with my friends at clubs or at their houses.

I'm also hanging out more and more with my 'old flame/best friend' Dave and his sister Vicky and
her boyfriend, Dan. They are all Musicians and Artists and I find myself feeling more free
and among a comfortable environment, as I also start exploring my own artistic leanings
(Writing, Music) with them.

Soon, we decide to 'jam' on the weekends. Dan owns a set of drums and Dave is an
extremely talented guitarist who can play anything by ear and expertly. I grew up with music
in my household (Piano, Flute, Sax, etc.). And I play keyboards and flute with them.

I end up spending so much time with my friends, that I take my kids with me. I'm still
breastfeeding my baby at this point and trying to potty train my nearly 18-mos old son.
(Who was sadly overdue to be so, at this point, but earlier tries proved unsuccessful).

In between nursings, feeding my son and diaper changings, I'm playing in our band.
My young son ends up dancing to our songs and tries to sing, it was a joy to watch!
(And to this day, he loves music and writes and produces beats and taught himself
keyboards!).

Well, as you can imagine, this is not the best environment for young kids, nor a lonely
(and yes, irresponsible, immature) Army wife.

Things started spiralling downward from this point, as Dave and his sister (who was
a heavy Vodkaholic at the time) were also pot smokers.

Well one day, I tried it, ..and stopped breastfeeding my daughter after that point.

So things went from bad to worse and long story short, something happened to my
daughter, and when I took her to her next check-up, it was found (to my horror) that
apparently somebody was abusing and causing some bruising to my baby daughter!

Well at this point, she was rushed to X-Ray, the Police were called in, and myself and
Dave (oh by this point, he and I were living together, as I could no
longer afford rent where I was living... I had moved out of my mother in law's house
during all this and was living on my own, yet my husband wasn't sending money
and I was looking for a job).

And from that point onward, I was in a Nightmare of my own making.

My kids were taken away from me and put into the care of my parents
(who were not even close to my children since they were 'mixed'), till a courtdate was set.

I was being investigated as to possibly abusing my own children!

My own mother even doubted me, when I had NEVER so much as rasied a hand to either
of my children, in fact, no one had ever even seen me so much as display anger at anyone
or anything in my life.
She also suspected my paramore of doing something, Yet, I'd never seen him even pay attention to my daughter.
He did like my son but was always nice to him and even tried teaching him to play the keyboards and drums.

Even though their investigations were 'inconclusive' and found no evidence that I or Dave
(or anyone else, the daycare that I took my children to were also investigated and sadly were shut down)
had done anything.

Despite all this, it was being heavily hinted at me by the courts that my children were going to be put
in the Foster Care system. My mother was a Guardian Ad Litem, and I think she was sort of part of
my kids being taken and wanting them placed anywhere else, just no longer in her life. They (and I)
shamed my family, you see.

I grew up in a comfortable middle class family, attending elite Private
Schools and she hated her friends knowing that I had married a black man (even though he was
educated, spoke perfect english, had manners, hard worker, and I was supremely happy before
the move to fla thing.... that didn't matter, no!).

This horrified me and spurned me into quick action!

I agreed that I was guilty of neglect what with my partying ways and introducing them
into non-optimum environments, so I knew there was no way I could fight to
get my own kids back (or felt there wasn't anyways).

So I called my husband's CO in Korea and told my husband what was happening
and demanded he be sent home from Korea NOW to save his kids from being adopted
out from under us! My family who right now had my kids under their temporary care
could not keep them (or wouldn't).

It was very weird and painful having to see my own children under supervision
of my own family as if I was the abuser (and yes, I actually WAS in a way, so I accepted this).

So, I made the painful but resolute decision that I would tell the courts my decision when
they asked me what I would do:

I would give up my children to their father.

And that's what I did.

So he was thankfully stationed back in the USA out of state, with our children as a single father
while I and my paramore were sent to Anger Management/Parenting Classes.

And we went to them and completed them.

Still, I continued doing pot, drinking heavier, then started doing LSD and
descended into heavier and heavier use of all three
(all this WHILE both of us successfully
keeping a full time jobs).

My depression worsened with all this loss and I didn't care what happened to
me as long as I was numbed with some substance.

We worked and in the evenings and weekends, we partied.

One day, a few months after my kids were gone, Dave was being more of a jerk
than he normally was, and was out of Pot and couldn't find any.

I was getting fed up with our lifestyle and relationship by this point and we went
to the bookstore.

There, on the shelf was this really pretty foil-blue paperback book called:
'Scientology: The Fundamentals of Thought'.

I told Dave how I was involved in this when I lived in TX, but had never looked
much into scn, yet we looked at the book and it made sense, everything we were
reading so we bought it.

Dave read it in two hours. I read it but grew a bit disenchanted with it.

Yet he was getting more and more interested in it.

So one day, I call the nearest Mission to us and they invite us THAT NIGHT,
it was about 8:30pm. So....we went.

When we pulled up, we found it was somebody's HOUSE!? Well, I didn't like that
and suggested maybe it was some 'religious thing' and we should not go in. But
we were just too curious, because the guy on the phone was really nice to me and
did the Mystery Sandwich spiel really well.

So we went inside.

Two VERY nice people greeted us. They were a husband and wife team.

Don and Jan Meuse.

Don had this sharp gaze that reminded me of those at the San Antonio TX Mission and
this unnerved me again.

But he was so friendly and calm to us. So much so, that he gets
Dave to open up and tell him personal info about us, like that my kids had just been taken away!

My jaw literally fell open that he shared such personal info and in front of me, like that!

He even opened up and admitted the truth that we smoke pot and have used LSD!

I was shocked at how much info Don was eliciting out of Dave in this first meeting of him!

Next thing you know,

We both buy our first course, The Comm Course. (I don't think it was known as the STCC yet).

Don casually said that just for the duration of the course, we had to not use any drugs. We didn't
mind and said, ok. (Cuz we were gettin' high on all this new info we were learning about already).

We paid for it a week or so later on a Sat night. We were dressed to go clubbing.
It was, I think my 25th birthday...Aug 16th 1991). They said all we had to do was
open the book and read the first page then we could go. (found out later that was
so we could be counted as First Starts for that week's stats, lol).

We came in the next day and started 'for real' .

The courseroom was an attached garage of their house. There was one other student
in the room. He kept asking our course sup over and over: 'Do fish swim?'

Does he not KNOW they swim? THEN he switches and starts asking over and over: 'Do birds fly?'

Poor guy, we thought. He must be retarted or something.

The moment we read how to do the TR's, it said we had to look at each other, then sign our
initials that we'd done that.

So I glanced at Dave, he glanced at me, and we signed ourselves off.

Our course supervisor, Tim Flynn came over to us and patiently explained how they're
REALLY done and it's not just a 'glance' lol.
We had to 'confront' each other for a longer period of time, it seemed. And face our chairs
to each other. We thought this was sooooo strange, but we did it. At first we were literally
staring at each other, till we were cleared up on that. Then once we were doing it right, we
LOVED it and noticed how much crisper the colors and sights and sounds of the room were!

WOW, THIS stuff was like doing LSD only without any side-effects, cool!

We started really loving this new course, having lots of wins, didn't bother doing drugs
again and eagerly signed up for this stuff called 'Auditing' as we heard it would give one
relief and improve one's character, etc.etc.

So we each bought an intensive of Life Repair.

Dave's Auditor was Jan Meuse and my Auditor was someone who had to be be brought in
to be mine, as Jan was the only qualified Auditor.

Mine was a really nice lady named Patti Thompson. I'll never forget meeting her. I heard her
infectious, merry laugh before I saw her, and I liked her already! But I met her and she was so
sweet and friendly to me, wow, this was going to be an interesting experience!

So during the weeknights and on weekends, Dave got audited by Jan and me with Patti.

I saw that scary machine again with the cans and decided to be bold and hold them, this time.

(When I saw one at the San Antonio, Mission, I was scared it would shock me, lol).

The first question that was asked of me: 'How can you help me help you?' I answered her.

Next question: 'How can you help me help you?'

'Excuse me' I said patiently to her. But you already asked me that.

She smiled but didn't say anything back.

Quickly I recovered and thought, 'Oh, I guess you are SUPPOSED to ask me the same question
again, ok!' And I loved it from then onward.

We finished our Life Repair I think within about two weeks and each of us had great wins.

I never wanted mine to end, but sadly, it did. Patti was a great Auditor and to this day, I consider
her one of THE best Auditors I've had! :) (Loved all my Auditing, actually).

Well...during this time, it was found out that Dave hadn't quite completed his Life Repair
(and wouldn't be allowed to continue doing scn) until he told me something, first.

So I was pulled into the room for him to 'confess' to me, something.

And that's how I found out HE was the one who had in fact been abusing my baby
daughter at night while I was asleep. It had been going on for a couple months by the time
everything was found out.

I was told to 'acknowledge him' to 'set him free' from this 'overt'. And I struggled to do so,
but I did so.

Well, as you can all imagine, it did mess with me, and upon learning of these things called
'Ethics Conditions' while doing them, I came to the sudden realization that I wanted to leave Dave
and go back to my husband and kids and try to make up the damage that I had caused.

So I did so. Within a few days, I was on a plane to another state to try and patch things up with
my husband (we weren't divorced).

I was high on life with this new 'tech' and sober and sharp and felt I had all kinds of 'tools'
to help us get back together and be a family again.

Well, it wasn't that easy....


Found out he was with someone already, and plus, I, stupidly kept talking to Dave on the
phone while my husband was at work. When he found this out, he punched me in the temple,
breaking my thick glasses and causing me to pass out. (This in front of my kids. My young son
rushed over and kept asking me if I was ok).

Well, I had never been hit before in my entire life by anyone and this frightened me, badly.

I was out of there back on a plane, kissed my children promised them I would visit them soon and
was gone back down to Fla again and with Dave.

So I ended up being asked to join Staff at the Mission, and was told this would be a way I could
get my Bridge (since we'd run out of money by this point).

And I signed a 2.5 yr Contract and was Foundation Staff. Dave wasn't qualled to be Staff.

At night, I studied these various Div 6 'Mini hats' and finished them in checksheet time. I was a good
student and was always a voracious reader. I was routed onto the Bookstore OfficerFull-Hat

Soon, I was also actually through my Purif (where I ran out tons of previous surgeries, drugs, etc..or so I thought anyways)
and onto my TR's and Objectives.

Because I didn't have a Twin for this, I was sent to the Miami Org to do it on weekends. I drove myself the hour
and a half trip each way and got through the course in checksheet time. My twin's name was Isreal. He was a real
sweet guy!

While being at Miami and learning how a real scn org is run, I had to learn how to sell books and I was paired
with a Public who was really good at selling books, his name was David Weiss. A quirky, geeky but sweet gentleman
who was a gung-ho scn and awesome bookseller.

He introduces me to the Div 6 Bookseller of the Org.

His name was Dean Wentling.

He looked to be about 30 with a thick dark blonde hair and a thick mustache.

I shook his hand. He was also going book selling with us, but not that day.

More soon!

Living La Vida Loca in South Fla.

So we pack up everything and move in with my mother in law.

My husband leaves for Korea, and I felt so despondent that I didn't want to take him
to the airport. Instead a friend and his wife takes him. I tearfully said goodbye to him
at home and off he went.

Well, it turns out I ended up going to the airport to say good bye to him anyways, because he'd
forgotten THE most important part of his Army uniform behind. His dress uniform suit jacket!

So arranging for someone to stay with the kids, I drove like a demon, ran through the entire airport (this all before 9/11 btw, so it didn't look as suspicious as it would now). and had the front desk hold his plane till I could get to his gate and give him his coat.

I got there just in time, handed him his jacket, gave him another prolonged hug and kiss and
waved him off. Again.

Luckily the plane was only held up by about ten minutes during all this, and they were very understanding.

So off he went

And home I went to try and start a new life without him AND recover from the birth of my daughter just barely six weeks old. My son was still not potty trained, so I needed to start him on that.

For the first couple months all was ok.

I'd always liked his family, so I had no problems staying with them. It was better than staying with my parents who were still a bit stiff to me about marring a black man and my dad really didn't want my children in his life.

Well, being left alone and bored, (and not having to work due to finances not being a problem). I decided to start hanging out with my old friends.

Next thing you know, my mother in law and my grandmother (who I considered more my 'mother' and was extremely close to. She also was the one who never disowned me and welcomed my husband and children) were babysitting more often for my kids and I was home less and less.

By this time, I reunited with an old flame from my jr high school. We used to spend hours on the phone every weekend. We'd always liked each other, but had never 'gone out'.

I'd stayed in touch with him all throughout my teen years and into my adulthood. My husband knew about this and didn't mind, since we had been best friends for so long.

BUT...from the moment we found out that my husband was being sent to Korea, we did the 'talk' that I presume most married couples might when long-term enforced separation may occur.
And what came out of that was we gave one another 'permission' should it happen that we wanted to sleep with someone...as long as we both stayed safe and returned to each other in the end.

We were still in TX when we had that talk, I was blissfully in love couldn't imagine that I would EVER stray, so I felt more that I was doing this for HIS benefit than mine.

Well little did I know!

(more soon).

Get Outta That Bed And Into My Life...

Ok, so Jean kept calling me now on a daily basis. Still being polite and concerned for me, but always keeping me interested in continuing my desire to help the Mission and to get more Dianetics sessions.

One night, she calls me on a Wednesday night at about 8 pm. She had an urgent tone to her voice this time. She actually said to me it had been long enough, and that the dr's were being too cautious in wanting me to stay in bed too long.

She asked me how I felt, (I did feel fine). And told me to come on in right then to receive something called 'An Assist'.

So I did, against dr's orders.

I arrived and they had me lie down and they did a Touch Assist. I thought it was so weird that they touched you at various points all over your body asking you to 'feel my finger'. Yet I did seem to feel a bit lighter.

Before leaving, she tried to get me to pay $200.00 dollars for an Intensive of Book One. I didn't have it.

She actually got MAD at me and started lecturing me about not being as 'able' a person as I should be in life, how I was 'listening to the dr's' and allowing myself to be weak, etc. That I was a young, healthy girl and the remaining baby was doing fine and to trust that my baby was 'staying' and not going anywhere.

I nodded politely to her through the whole thing and couldn't wait to get out of there!

I left, talked to my husband, and stopped going.

I was getting further along and my energy was drained. I concentrated on attending school every day, taking care of my young son and husband and nothing else.

I got calls nearly every night now from the Mission.

But I never answered them.

Fast forward now a few months....

March 1, 1990

My daugther was born unexpectedy ten days early, with NO labor pains, (only about an hour of the braxton hicks type contractions, which are completely painless btw), and hubby called the hospital asking if I should come in. They spoke to me on the phone. Because I could talk through one of these 'contractions' they said I didn't need to bother going in and to try and go back to sleep. (It was about 4 am). I hung up, when suddenly, I get one powerful contraction. I decide to get dressed. Then a second painful contraction. My Husband notices something that I didn't in myself. He said I was involuntarily holding my breath.

He literally yells at me to 'Drop! NOW!'.

I'm in a shocked daze by this point and I do.

Suddenly two pushes later, my daughter was born on the bedroom floor. Delivered by her daddy. She was born whole in the bag of waters. He had to break it with an Army comb, and massage her upside down to get her to cry and breathe!

During all this, he managed to dial 911 and our neighbors (who were also friends). They came over and got my son to care for him, while we waited for the ambulance. They arrived and bundled me and my sleeping daughter and whisk us to the hospital.

Everything was fine despite the unsanitary, quick birth and we were released a few days later.

While adjusting to life at home with a new baby and a young son who just started to walk. I tried to finish my schooling which only had a month more to go. I took both my kids to daycare and worked hard, all during my six weeks recovery time.

One day when my daughter was not even a month old, my husband (who was studying to be an LPN throught the Army), got word he failed his nursing school.

Of all rotations he failed? The OB/GYN!!?? LOL!

Here he just delivered his own daughter in an emergency home setting and they STILL failed him!

Because of this, The Army decides to ship him to KOREA

For 18 months!


ALONE!

We tried several 'Compassionate Reassignment' letters to all his superiors, and to everyone we could.

They were all denied.

So, I was forced to pull out of school, one month shy of getting my AA degree in Executive Secretary/Business Admin.

I had to pack up EVERYTHING, and we decided to move me and the kids home to South Florida to be near both our families to help me with childcare, etc.

Looking back on that, I think that was one THE BIGGEST MISTAKES, as it contributed greatly to the eventual downfall of our blissful marriage, imo.

(More later).

And On We Go......

The more I attended the Mission, the more I learned and wanted more!

The information was sooooo 'different' from anything I'd ever read. And it seemed to make perfect sense! After a few Dianetics sessions, I was hooked.

I finished my extension course and one day while at the Mission just sitting in the main room, I saw The ScientologyPicture Book.
It looked like a simple-enough book, so I dared to take a look. At the time, I was a new Catholic convert, and when I saw that Scientology was a 'religion' I wanted no part of looking at it.
The book seemed like more Dianetics, really. This wasn't a 'religion'! It wasn't talking about God or the Bible, etc..it was more about the mind and the body having a soul. I couldn't reconcile in my mind how this was considered a 'religion'?

I put the book down, and thought little more about it.

I was still attending school full-time and going to the Mission at night. I'd run home from school to pick up my son from daycare, fix us all something to eat, then dash off to the Mission, again.

The atmosphere held something addicting to me, literally. I couldn't stay away.

I wanted to read every single book on the shelves, being such a book-worm. I was a shy person, socially and an introvert, so felt more comfortable in the world of a book.

I had finished with my sessions and they wanted to me go onto a course on how to learn Dianetics. The courseroom was very small, only about 6 people in it. I would sit in on the class a few times, yet never enrolled onto any course. Being an Army Wife, and having just moved to a bigger apartment due to the twins, money was a bit tight for us.
So I continued going every evening and on weekends and help them stuff letters.
Everything was going along fine. I was slowly learning more and more about these strange, calm people who stared at you for long periods of time.....


Weeks later, I was at school one day when I suddenly started mild cramping and bleeding. I was rushed to the hospital. I was only about six weeks pregnant at this point.
Via ultrasound, it was discovered that my body had aparently absorbed the 2nd embryo and sac. Leaving me with one healthy, growing baby.
In one sense, I was sad for the loss. Yet on the other, I was a bit relieved!

Nevertheless, I was ordered to stay home for a couple weeks on bedrest to ensure the remaining baby's health. So I wasn't at school northe Mission. Jean called me. She was always very nice, low-pressure. I explained to her the situation and she suggested I could get something called 'An Assist'. I'd never heard of this, and it sounded interesting, so I agreed. Yet I was on strict bedrest and couldn't leave the house...
More soon.....

Nabbed by a commercial.

'What makes people depressed'?

Some cool, intense music played in the background of the commercial.

Questions were flashed tantalizingly across a black background.

It made me sit up and take notice.

I wanted to know: 'What DID make people depressed'?

The commercial played on.
(Found out later, this commercial must have been one of those created by Jeff Hawkins).

It crescendoed into the a picture of a volcano exploding, then it panned back to show the Dianetics book's flashy cover.

Wow.

I suddenly had been feeling depressed for no reason. And I wanted to know WHY. And some of the questions this commercial provided promised me answers in this seemingly magical book called: Dianetics.

I called the number on the screen and they gave me the nearest Mission to me: The San Antonio Texas Mission.

It was 1989.

I met a personable, upbeat woman named Jean.

She explained to me all about Dianetics by drawing a series of simple pictures of how it erases the root cause of one's suffering and mental torments, The Reactive Mind.

She made it sound all so simple.

Of course, I was intrigued and I asked her how does one get rid of this part of one's self?

She then explained to me about a special type of councelling called 'Auditing' .

I asked her the price.

It was about $200.00 or so dollars for an 'intensive' (each intensive is 12 hrs long) of this 'Auditing'

Well, I didn't have that, so she sold me the Dianetics book and the extension course, intstead.

She also had me get a free dianetics session.

It was pretty cool stuff!

Very different than anything I had ever experienced in my life.

I wanted more.

But, I didn't have the money!

I had a young baby boy at home, and was an Army Wife. Funds were limited.

They suggested I 'help' them by stuffing letters. I enjoyed volunteering, as I had been doing so all my life; coming from an active Masonic family, we regularly visited nursing homes, participated in bake sales etc for various masonic functions, sororities, etc.

They said I could get some sessions as exchange for helping them. I said ok, and began. I signed no papers. Apparently, this was just a 'temporary deal' (to get ME more hooked so they could either get me to pay for an intensive or to join Staff, I'm sure).

So I went in at least every other night to help with various, clerical tasks. I liked the vibe of this place! It felt so different to me. I was also a voracious reader and started eyeing all the books out on the shelves.

I saw these books about something called Scientology, but I was only interested in Dianetics. At the time, I was a newly-converted devout Catholic and seeing the word Scientology along with this religious-looking cross on some of the books, backed me off from it.

The more I learned, the more excited I became. I started feeling different. Needed, appreciated, and helping them made me feel a sense of belonging. I showed some of their Dianetics Promo to my then husband. He never said much, but when he would, he'd reference things like how much of a 'group' they were and how they possibly excluded God. (He was devoutly fundamental Christian, yet inactive).

I'd scoff at him and continue going to The Mission in the evenings.

I finished my extension course. It was rather interesting, and of course made me want this 'Auditing' even more!

One strange thing I noticed about everyone was how much they all STARED at me! (Or what I considered staring). They'd just stand there and look at you for long periods of time, saying nothing. That made me distinctly uncomfortable.

I brushed it off and went on stuffing enveloped every night. I was never writing letters, yet. I was too new.

About a month into my helping them, one Saturday afternoon, I was at the Mission stuffing envelopes as usual when I started to feel suddenly very weak and sick. I didn't want to appear so, to anyone tho. So I purposely dropped an envelope to the floor necessitating me to have to bend my head down to pick it up, figuring putting myself into this position might help me feel less light-headed. It helped. No one seemed to notice anything.

Within the next couple days, I found out why I was feeling like that.

I found out I was pregnant again. My son was 9 months old at the time.

Then a few weeks later I found out....

I was pregnant with TWINS!

Wow.

Boy were we thrilled..and scared!

I am a very petite girl weighing under 100 lbs and the thought of me carrying twins (much less giving birth) successfully, daunted me!

Along this time, I decided to return to school to gain some much-needed clerical/work skills.

So I enrolled fulltime in a Technical School in the year-long Executive Secretary Major program they offered. It was an intense two-year program condensed into one year. (supposedly comparable to an Associate's Degree).

So every day, I attended school, then went to the Mission at night. I was seeing my husband and young son, less and less.

Stay tuned for more, soon.

My journey to Joy......

I think I am going to start my blog with my various journies to knowing myself-for real.

Some of my blogs may entail seemingly negative decisions and experiences...yet I'll show how each and every one of them were necessary in some way on my path to real inner joy and peace.

Hope to help someone, and look forward to all of you reading my stories!