On and on we go...

Ok, onward here. Some sidestories here to help fill in gaps in my previous installments:

On several occasions (while Staff at WPB Mission) and learning about the Ethics Conditions, etc..I was waking out of my drug fog so to speak
and was seriously considering getting my kids back (and going to court to do it). But...I'd been told about some of scn's history and how they
fought in court to remain a legitimate religion...and decided that I didn't
want to go to court to win my kids back or even try due to I knew that the word 'scientology' would have to be mentioned in court
(even if in a good light as to how it helped me and all)..it was still a risk to me, so I decided NOT to do it, and went on dedicating myself deeper and deeper to scn's lofty goals. I justified it as 'I'm helping my children on deeper levels and being a Bigger Mom THIS way, than if I were to be in their life as a mom just THIS lifetime'. Ya know?

Wanted to mention that fact.

Now to progress in my story:

Our story of the night we left is Post # 33 of this Thread for those of you who haven't read it.

After adjusting to life in Kansas, with its laid back, friendly people, we caught up on sleep, food, clothing and our relationship!

After reuniting with my young children, they lived with us every summer and we saw them on major holidays ever since.

My daughter even lived with me for a few of her school years.

So...even though I missed out on many 'firsts' (especially with my duaghter), I DID get to enjoy many 'other' firsts with my children
as they were growing up!

We took them on their first camping and fishing trips when they were still little,

I taught them both how to swim and have the pics, that was fun!

Both of them were Chess Champions by the 7th grade...with Medals.

My son in 7th grade, was awarded a Science Award and featured in the Newspaper with his invention.

I taught both my children to drive and was there when they got their learner's permits and driver's licenses...

I talked to them about 'the birds and the bees' and my daughter started puberty while living with me.

We gave my son his first car, then gave him another when he graduated High School...(A/B average student his entire life, too! ).

I had my daughter's Senior Pics done, was there when she attended her first Homecoming and Prom
And she graduated High School while living with us, in Kansas (barely, but she did it) ..

I was there when my grandson was born (my son's son).

Things like that...

Since leaving Staff (and scn) we've never regretted it and wouldn't trade the experiences we've had with my kids, with each other and in life, for ANYTHING!

I'll add here a tribute vid I made for my daughter for her 18th birthday and impending hs graduation at the time.

Many of you have seen it already, but adding it here for those who haven't.

My son is about to now graduate Nursing School and we are attending this happy occasion.

I am going to make a tribute vid for him now, too!

And may I say how AWESOME it is to have a new grandson (my son's son)?! So now I have a new baby in my life....

And some other notes: I had missed making a big impact (like I thought I was as a Staff Member and scn you know).

And one of my interests was always in Women's Health/Midwivery. I'd been a doula/Midwife Assistant and even solo-delivered a friend's baby
(THAT in itself was an amazing, hippy-like event, I'll have to write that story one day and only let those interested read it).

Well, I was always too underweight and petite to give blood....

I'd already decided to be an Organ Donor when I die....

But I wanted to really HELP someone/people NOW..and
while I was still alive...ya know? I also wanted to right some wrongs from my past...I'd had an abortion when I was 17..(before scn)..
And what with happened with my own kids, etc....

So...my point being is, is that I decided to give the gift of life to a couple who couldn't carry their own baby.

(Important Note: This was late 2000 and all thru 2001, so at this time we were both still scn's, inactive, freeloaders who helped the local Mission and wanted to still pay them off and go OT, but no idea how we could pay our debt, ya know?)

I became a Gestational Surrogate. (I carried the couple's child for them, it was not made from my egg..there are those who DO use their own egg and carry, they are known as 'Traditional Surrogates')

I was at this time, still in comm with Celia, (the Treas Sec at the time) to pay off our F/L debts. I'd attended the birth of one of her kids...
so when she heard I was accepted to be a surro, she saw dollar signs, lol. 'Course she started calling me more frequently after that.

And for those curious about if it was worth doing it for money: what we surro's put our minds, bodies and souls through to achieve this for another...the money is NOT the motivating factor like one might think).

Now not everyone can do something like this. You have to go through rigorous physical and mental testing, background and criminal checks of all kinds, of which thankfully I passed all with flying colors.

I was a bit unique, on many levels...first, because most women do this in their 20's.
I was close to 34 when I started working with my first couple.
Second, I wasn't sure I'd be accepted due to being born extremely prematurely myself (was over three months preemie, weight 1 lb 7 oz, 11 and a quarter inches long, died over nine times, that kinda thing)..
And..even though both my own children were full term and born with no problems), I thought it might scare the dr's from wanting to use me.

But thankfully, I was a perfect candidate despite my past! Whew!

I actually worked with two couples. ( a few years apart).

The first couple was so sweet. He was a Cop and she a Teacher (how stereotypical, huh? ).

We met though the Net on a Surrogacy Message board, spoke on the phone a lot, then agreed to meet. We all took to each other immediately!

(Couples are also subjected to all the same rigorous testing, background, criminal checks, etc.)

Well, the dr's were were too skittish that more than one would take and I (being so petite and all) would end up pregnant with twins or triplets! Even though I was cleared fit enough to be able to carry twins, we still wanted to avoid it!

I knew deep down though, that if only the dr's would transfer THREE embryo's to me, that at least one of them would take.
I expressed this to the IP's (Intended Parents) and the dr's.

So only two embryo's were transferred to me each time.

We went through four transfer procedures over a year-long period.
sadly, none of them took.

We then decided to part ways. I felt so bad for them and it took a toll on me and spurned on my help-button even more!

I thought I wasn't going to be a surrogate again...but a couple years later, I decided to try again.

This time, I went though a very reputable Agency (Yep, they actually have 'agencies' for this kinda thing. Weird, huh?).

Well, not only that, but THIS agency catered to all kinds of couples.

Including gay and lesbian couples.

Now during this time, we had been on the Net, OCMB, Tory's vids, OT-Panel, Astra, Xenu-TV and had over a few-month period, decided to leave scn for *real*

I was over 35 by this time, but had always looked and felt much younger. (The agency's cut-off age was 40).

Well I submitted my Profile and was given several couples to choose from.

We decided on a couple that had also liked us and we liked their Profile. They were both dr's and a gay male couple.

Inside, me and hubby were chuckling at what scn would think of this, but we loved the fact that we no longer cared and were proud of ourselves for how much we wanted to do this for them! We did this for loving people who we felt would make great parents, and THAT was our deciding factor, ya know?

It also helped distance us from scn, too. Like delivering an effective blow to scn kinda thing,
(tho that wasn't our deciding factor for selecting them).

Now you'd think I would've received all kinds of judgements and looks from my family and friends,
(And I'm quite sure I'm about to get some from many of you reading this...) but my whole family (including my kids who were older by this time..)
was very supportive, and so were my friends!

I also had new dr's and a new clinic to work with, too. And he honored my request to try with using three embryo's. (An egg donor was used btw).

I got pregnant on the first try.(the transfer was done on my 37th birthday.....and with ONE baby! ).

Well, the preganancy went off without a hitch and their beautiful son was born near the end of April 2005.

(I have a more detailed surrogacy story, I will send it to anyone who wishes to read it).

We all stay in frequent contact and I am sent pictures several times a year.

We are all planning a reunion soon, in fact!

For privacy reasons, I cannot reveal anymore info about who I worked with or where they live, sorry.

But anyways, the moment my hubby and I watched the intended father
hold his own son in his arms...there wasn't a dry eye in the room!

(sidenote here: The first couple I worked with ironically before we'd parted company, once they knew that I was working with the 2nd couple,said to me: 'wouldn't it be neat if we end up preg at the same time?'

AND WE WERE!

She was miraculously able to carry her own pregnancy this time, and became pregnant with TWINS..who were born
a few days after I had my surroson!

THAT made me feel a whole lot better, for them, as well!

So all in all, we had some great, very unique experiences since leaving scn!!

We do not regret any of them, either!

Anyways: Here is that vid I made for my daughter, in the middle of the vid, the fourth or fifth pic...the one of them as babies, my son is comforting his baby sister who's crying...THAT pic was one of THE last times I saw them...then you'll some of the pics of our my our first reunion with me and my kids post-escaping Staff, (I'm wearing a black shirt and they were about 5 and 7 yrs old). then it progresses of her up in age, some of our experiences together, my son's in it, so's my ex-hubby,
we are still friends to this day, with his wife and her kids too.... and here is a recent pic of my surroson. He just turned FOUR!
And here is a pic of my darling beautiful grandson! Btw guys: PLEASE rate and comment on the vid, too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-78b9-KXl0E

Thank you all for being my friends and to Emma for creating and maintaining this Board!

Years later, I found my journal of quotes and poems written by others, that I'd collected throughout my life. Well I found one added at the end of it by in my mother's handwriting of a poem that she loved and thought I would to..indeed, THAT poem healed me on so many levels (still does).
Perhaps it will help you, too:

With Every Goodbye You Learn by Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
and between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child,
And learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
And after a while, you learn That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn
and learn...
With every goodbye, you learn.