Tuesday, November 4, 2008

And On We Go......

The more I attended the Mission, the more I learned and wanted more!

The information was sooooo 'different' from anything I'd ever read. And it seemed to make perfect sense! After a few Dianetics sessions, I was hooked.

I finished my extension course and one day while at the Mission just sitting in the main room, I saw The ScientologyPicture Book.
It looked like a simple-enough book, so I dared to take a look. At the time, I was a new Catholic convert, and when I saw that Scientology was a 'religion' I wanted no part of looking at it.
The book seemed like more Dianetics, really. This wasn't a 'religion'! It wasn't talking about God or the Bible, etc..it was more about the mind and the body having a soul. I couldn't reconcile in my mind how this was considered a 'religion'?

I put the book down, and thought little more about it.

I was still attending school full-time and going to the Mission at night. I'd run home from school to pick up my son from daycare, fix us all something to eat, then dash off to the Mission, again.

The atmosphere held something addicting to me, literally. I couldn't stay away.

I wanted to read every single book on the shelves, being such a book-worm. I was a shy person, socially and an introvert, so felt more comfortable in the world of a book.

I had finished with my sessions and they wanted to me go onto a course on how to learn Dianetics. The courseroom was very small, only about 6 people in it. I would sit in on the class a few times, yet never enrolled onto any course. Being an Army Wife, and having just moved to a bigger apartment due to the twins, money was a bit tight for us.
So I continued going every evening and on weekends and help them stuff letters.
Everything was going along fine. I was slowly learning more and more about these strange, calm people who stared at you for long periods of time.....

Weeks later, I was at school one day when I suddenly started mild cramping and bleeding. I was rushed to the hospital. I was only about six weeks pregnant at this point.
Via ultrasound, it was discovered that my body had aparently absorbed the 2nd embryo and sac. Leaving me with one healthy, growing baby.
In one sense, I was sad for the loss. Yet on the other, I was a bit relieved!

Nevertheless, I was ordered to stay home for a couple weeks on bedrest to ensure the remaining baby's health. So I wasn't at school northe Mission. Jean called me. She was always very nice, low-pressure. I explained to her the situation and she suggested I could get something called 'An Assist'. I'd never heard of this, and it sounded interesting, so I agreed. Yet I was on strict bedrest and couldn't leave the house...
More soon.....

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Nabbed by a commercial.

'What makes people depressed'?

Some cool, intense music played in the background of the commercial.

Questions were flashed tantalizingly across a black background.

It made me sit up and take notice.

I wanted to know: 'What DID make people depressed'?

The commercial played on.
(Found out later, this commercial must have been one of those created by Jeff Hawkins).

It crescendoed into the a picture of a volcano exploding, then it panned back to show the Dianetics book's flashy cover.


I suddenly had been feeling depressed for no reason. And I wanted to know WHY. And some of the questions this commercial provided promised me answers in this seemingly magical book called: Dianetics.

I called the number on the screen and they gave me the nearest Mission to me: The San Antonio Texas Mission.

It was 1989.

I met a personable, upbeat woman named Jean.

She explained to me all about Dianetics by drawing a series of simple pictures of how it erases the root cause of one's suffering and mental torments, The Reactive Mind.

She made it sound all so simple.

Of course, I was intrigued and I asked her how does one get rid of this part of one's self?

She then explained to me about a special type of councelling called 'Auditing' .

I asked her the price.

It was about $200.00 or so dollars for an 'intensive' (each intensive is 12 hrs long) of this 'Auditing'

Well, I didn't have that, so she sold me the Dianetics book and the extension course, intstead.

She also had me get a free dianetics session.

It was pretty cool stuff!

Very different than anything I had ever experienced in my life.

I wanted more.

But, I didn't have the money!

I had a young baby boy at home, and was an Army Wife. Funds were limited.

They suggested I 'help' them by stuffing letters. I enjoyed volunteering, as I had been doing so all my life; coming from an active Masonic family, we regularly visited nursing homes, participated in bake sales etc for various masonic functions, sororities, etc.

They said I could get some sessions as exchange for helping them. I said ok, and began. I signed no papers. Apparently, this was just a 'temporary deal' (to get ME more hooked so they could either get me to pay for an intensive or to join Staff, I'm sure).

So I went in at least every other night to help with various, clerical tasks. I liked the vibe of this place! It felt so different to me. I was also a voracious reader and started eyeing all the books out on the shelves.

I saw these books about something called Scientology, but I was only interested in Dianetics. At the time, I was a newly-converted devout Catholic and seeing the word Scientology along with this religious-looking cross on some of the books, backed me off from it.

The more I learned, the more excited I became. I started feeling different. Needed, appreciated, and helping them made me feel a sense of belonging. I showed some of their Dianetics Promo to my then husband. He never said much, but when he would, he'd reference things like how much of a 'group' they were and how they possibly excluded God. (He was devoutly fundamental Christian, yet inactive).

I'd scoff at him and continue going to The Mission in the evenings.

I finished my extension course. It was rather interesting, and of course made me want this 'Auditing' even more!

One strange thing I noticed about everyone was how much they all STARED at me! (Or what I considered staring). They'd just stand there and look at you for long periods of time, saying nothing. That made me distinctly uncomfortable.

I brushed it off and went on stuffing enveloped every night. I was never writing letters, yet. I was too new.

About a month into my helping them, one Saturday afternoon, I was at the Mission stuffing envelopes as usual when I started to feel suddenly very weak and sick. I didn't want to appear so, to anyone tho. So I purposely dropped an envelope to the floor necessitating me to have to bend my head down to pick it up, figuring putting myself into this position might help me feel less light-headed. It helped. No one seemed to notice anything.

Within the next couple days, I found out why I was feeling like that.

I found out I was pregnant again. My son was 9 months old at the time.

Then a few weeks later I found out....

I was pregnant with TWINS!


Boy were we thrilled..and scared!

I am a very petite girl weighing under 100 lbs and the thought of me carrying twins (much less giving birth) successfully, daunted me!

Along this time, I decided to return to school to gain some much-needed clerical/work skills.

So I enrolled fulltime in a Technical School in the year-long Executive Secretary Major program they offered. It was an intense two-year program condensed into one year. (supposedly comparable to an Associate's Degree).

So every day, I attended school, then went to the Mission at night. I was seeing my husband and young son, less and less.

Stay tuned for more, soon.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

My journey to Joy......

I think I am going to start my blog with my various journies to knowing myself-for real.

Some of my blogs may entail seemingly negative decisions and experiences...yet I'll show how each and every one of them were necessary in some way on my path to real inner joy and peace.

Hope to help someone, and look forward to all of you reading my stories!